I MADE IT OUT! For the past few weeks I've been hustling here and there, taking what can be carried from one place to another kilometers away through public transport. It's physically exhausting as it is depressing and in most days, you can't have your own feelings anymore, you just give in to what's dominating your body. So you either sleep or cry with your whole body covered in dust and sweat in a bare mattress.
I never wanted to move out. Something just came up and there's this other thing. It's like getting slapped by the universe for not listening to its whispers. This has been hard because as much as it is exhausting it's a challenge to my psychological permanence as well. When I say that I find peace when I'm alone it doesn't sound so bad but I do ONLY find peace when I'm alone or with someone I find suitable (not necessarily family members). So it's like I'm being ripped off of one of my most important life achievement I already tattooed in my biceps.
This weekend my uncle brought his van and helped me transfer most of my stuff. I packed 2 and a half years of my life in 7 little black trash bags and off I go. Back to my Aunt's place where I started. In a perfect world, I would fold my clothes and pile them up neatly and instagram about it or maybe not move at all. I was getting sick to my stomach of this whole move out.
Whatever furniture we bought and used is left. Transfer light, I thought. If there's anything I've learned in this event that'd be this life will be a constant move and we can't bring everything as we go on. It becomes lighter from there. Literally and figuratively.
Maybe it's worth the shot. Maybe I'll find a different kind of peace. Maybe I'll be surprised how many things have been overturned and end up as satisfying. Or...maybe this is just one of those random change with no significance. Dammit. *throws a stone at the universe*
