seventeen minutes to midnight

Had I been so sad for a very long time that now I can’t make anyone believe that I can really be happy for a day?

Maybe.

And maybe proving something is a crap. But for a particular person, I’ll prove that I can tie up tight my happy strings again.

If I had a bad try today, I’ll still give a try tomorrow. And even days after tomorrow. I still believe that that day will come when I can be happy without even trying and you would believe that.

Even if for now there is nobody else but me left to believe that.

(12.03am. I already consumed 3 minutes of the day where I should start being happy again rambling. So I think I should sleep.)

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Simon's very first picture

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She asked me if I am going to marry, too.

My grandmother told me stories, particularly those of my childhood that I was too young remember and also those too embarrassing to remember.

• about dancing the itik itik* on second grade
  
• about asking her to play bahay-bahayan* with me [because I can't get my mother to play it with me] during sleeping hours
  
• about how my nose and throat sored because of taking unbelievable amount of sweets even after lights-off at bedtime
  
• about raging to tear up my cousin's test papers because she got more perfect scores than me at kindergarten

One thing I'm grateful this summer is that I had the chance to sit in and tend to my 76-year-old grandmother. Aside from giving me the painful awareness of how I've been cruel and whimsical at the same time when I was a kid, I found out that my grandmother lived the limelight of her life on the time where writing love letters are the best possible way of getting in contact with their "prospect", where watching movies on a cinema with a man is a decision that ladies make in a week. I didn't know that that sepia time was real.

I'm a lola's girl. But it doesn't really matter. (._.)

Yoy can't be a kid forever. So it pays when you listen to your old folks. If you didn't, what's there to tell to next us?




___ itik itik. it's a native dance where dancers imitate a duck genus called itik
___ bahay-bahayan. common fancy play of children imagining living in your own house and having you own kids

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30 minutes.

Summer days. I'm starting to wish that it would be over. It makes me do pathetic things like check in an internet cafe for 30 minutes just to have the benefit of its air conditioning unit. It's 35-36 degrees. Bloody hot!!! Poor me on my jogging pants and running shoes. Didn't had the chance to get change from jogging [which I do for 2 days now in favor of my best friend, Dyan, who really needed company or I say, motivation - in weight-trimming down] earlier this morning.

I went off to the bank to deposit. Unfortunately, it's off line. So I have to wait like I don't know 'till when. Argh!

Blistering heat.
30 minutes wearing off.
Got to go and check my luck again. x

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2008

Mama

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my favorite Hiro!

so cute

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11pm

happiness
is the last thing I thought I'd feel lately.
love
is what I'm breathing again.
_______________________
love is not like Santa so i think i should keep believing on it..

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For Mushy

Dearest,

I have carried the thought of that last time we were together, it was longer than a lifetime. A dull life, that I wish to end tonight. Do not worry my love, I have woke up from all those tremors. It is you I love, I have woke up. But if one day, I won't be able to, you'll know I loved you everyday I lived since that untimely mid-day we met. It has been cleared. I've woke up and I've seen it as bright as the sun on that first hello.

You never left me but I always fail to be there for you. I regret having left you for so so many times. You gave up once. I was dying but scared to pull you back because you might not believe in me anymore. But you've returned in your small glance and waves in the window, like you've always been, you are my sunshine, and I am grateful for it. Where I have gone does not matter. Where we will go is what does. This world shall not tear me away again no matter how hard it should try. But if it does, I'll come back to you... just as sun comes back to the day every dawn.

In this room, and at this time the clocks are all making up for lost time. And I too, have much catching up to do... but they will not catch me, too. Just please... let me try again. I miss you so much.

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Overrated

Why do people
want to heal
the world?
I didn't know it's
sick. Or sober.
I think people
themselves are.

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mushroom

there's a mushy spot

idea

...from
....master jedi

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waiting

there are things that you don't want to think of but still can't forget.
there are things that you don't want
to continue but afraid to let it end.
its just like you don't want to expect anything but
you're still willing to wait...

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Ramblings

Some things just come up and make us lose our sense of belief.

I don't believe in Santa anymore. He is a fiction made by parents who wants to conserve their children's hopes.

I don't believe that South Pole is just beneath our grounds anymore. Because way back in grade school I learned that earth is round.

Then in high school I learned that it [earth] is not round. It is oblate spheroid.

I don't believe in people anymore. Because yesterday, I realized that they betray your trust. Some of them were my friends.

...........................................[Or i thought so.]


TRUE.
Some things just aren't.

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things i have taken for granted

unconditional love
faith
self-esteem
dinner
my age
nstp2
filipino2
biostat
paying attention
the sun
painting
the bicol universitarian
sleep
washing the dishes
church
my mother
daydreaming
series of unfortunate events book 8
spontaneity
correct spelling
introduction of books
patience
honesty
door mats
Mushy

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bus ride, volkwagen beetles and throbbing on a 24-hour donut place

• I rode an ordinary bus to my boarding house and I didn't exorcise.
• I saw 6 - yeah SIX for crying out loud - Volkswagen beetles! A moss green. A rusty silver. A light blue. An orange. A red. And a white! But I'd be more delightful if I can knock off somebody's head. I have a thing on volks beetles. They inexplicably make me feel light and child-like.

....


.......
............^The phase-out of original beetles. The phase-out of me.

• I took a cheap magazine from a booksale. I read somewhere over the pages that dog fights do not usually cause too much damage. The loser will usually submit by lying down, which reduces the level of aggression in the dominant dog. Izzie laid down on the bathroom floor. Christina on the counter. Now, I understand. We are a bunch of dogs. The world is this strongest dog.
• The world wins again.
  
• I just noticed that I'm lying on this table with the munchkins. I gave up a million dollar worth battle. I lost a friend and the love of my life.
• Tired. Helpless.
  
• Call me. I think I'm dead.
  

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Just Before the Sun Goes to Bed

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15 things to do before I am 60

Since I was a kid, the longest length I ever grown my hair was just right above 5th rib.

This had been my mother's dream. 18 years later, a little miss that looks so much like her (they say) suddenly wanted the same profession. You can say that maybe its because of Meredith Grey. Haha. Yeah. Maybe my mother wanted it simply because as a kid she was always fascinated by men who walks in hospitals with white coat. We may have the same fascination but I have few more different reasons. I want to be a cardiosurgeon.

I was once a kid. And though we practically don't celebrate Christmas I used to believe in Santa, too. I used to write to him and ask for a bicycle. I received a bicycle at age 5. At 7 I learned that my parents brought me the bike and not Santa. But for two years I believed that it was Santa. For two years, I held on to my sense of wonder.

Haha. Im in love with them.

If there are things that I like to do in a rainy day, those are reading or swimming. I get lonely on rainy days. If get to stay in a house and a library and a pool, I wouldn't be lonely after all, even if it rains forever. I even mentioned it on one of my old journals that if I get to choose my deathbed, it wouldn't be a bed it would be a chair. I want to die in my own library.

I did. Twice. I have to smile. (._.)

Oh. That's my favorite thing on space! I love the moon. I am nocturnal, loving all things that's associated with twilight. But the moon is the most special thing. I want to see da Vinci and Apollo craters!

I've never been to a prom. (._.)

I don't remember riding a Ferris Wheel. I think I haven't really got into one. I think its fun.

Haha.

Yeah. Like mountain hiking, bon fire, singing, treasure hunt...

(._.)

It's beautiful! I've seen a picture. My mother said that its real, you can really see a sea of clouds up there. Waa!

My mother is a teacher. Somebody just thought that my first love was a teacher. And probably the last is one, too. I want to know how is it to be like them. I want to know why do most of the people I love so much are teachers.

I kept daydreaming about being a mother since a was in 6th grade.

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blogpost the first

This is my umpteenth blog. And there I've listed few of the things why I made this NEW blog.

Ö BLOG ENVY. its always blog envy...hahaha! uhmp!

Ö im not in any other social and blogging site anymore

Ö i miss blogging a lot lot lot. you know, blogs. you write because you like to, not because its a requirement or a term paper. its a kind of exhaust pan! and blogging is spilling everything out... just spilling it out without actually worrying about technicalities

Ö i have lots of superfriends..and they have quite interesting stories. (._.)

Ö i like many stuff like movies, books, quotes, music, Meredith Grey, paintings, food, just almost everything great and small! and I just cant get enough of them. I think I can make a person sick by listening to me talk about one thing for the whole day! haha. at least blogs don't complain

Ö i dream a lot. some of them really mess up my day. some of them makes me high. whatever, i want to remember them. thats why is should try to write 'em here. i believe some of them are meant to come true. because some of them really did. i always want to alter me daja vu. haha.

Ö i am mushy. as well as a cheeseman. i can be mushiest and cheesiest here..

ME WANTS HERE!(._.)

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