To the king of the world

I don't know what you want to do with me or what you want me to do for you. I don't know why you let people into my life like placing pieces on a chessboard and eventually be given up one by one to protect the other pieces who has a higher value. Who says that one should have greater value than the other by the way? I don't understand, maybe because I don't have even a slight grasp of your universal perspective up there. I wouldn't know, maybe if you'd grant me sunshine everyday, somebody somewhere across the world would freeze to death. So my prayers went with no return all throughout. How would I know? I am as foolish as everybody else not knowing the law of your universe. Most of all, I don't understand why you allowed us to learn love without giving the freewill of whom to love. How could you give so much restrictions for such an infinite idea? Infinite possibilities. I stopped talking to you because I don't know what would you say. I wouldn't even know if you're still listening to me. You're quite a silent guy. Or maybe not. But I'm not good at reading signs even the obvious. I'm not good at talking things out, too, you know that. But this is me trying.

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Ramblings

It's 830 in the morning and classes won't resume until tomorrow. So I have the whole 24 hours to sleep in preparation for the next 2 months, or 3. But my mother who has no idea of what I'l get back on starting tomorrow for the next 3 months, woke us up for breakfast and some house chores.

I imagined my high maintenance closet being ignored for almost 1 week, my duty bag which is emptied, all the things it should contain, my uniform, my shoes gaah..remembering all the things I tried to forget the whole vacation makes my mind whirl in panic. So I went out of bed.

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Ramblings

It's not like I planned everything that happen in past present and future tenses of my life. Or they went through MY plans. My college education (which is quite expensive and for regrets), social connections (very poor and limited), romantic affairs (only two respectively) and so much more in that matter. Sometimes I feel guilty for failing to give my parents the previlege of parenting an academic excellent child. But there's always this black matter of my brain telling me that I wouldn't be stuck and suck in this course if not because of them. It is my deep regrets not to able to go study what I really want, arts.

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. That's my favorite line from All At Once by The Fray.

You're the lucky bastard when you did the RIGHT THING and you are HAPPY. So screw you, for being the King of the World! Haha.

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