M&M's TW #3

I want to be a real madman for a day. So I will have the privilege of saying my thoughts without filtering them. I can tell unbarred truths all the time. It's okay if I dont shower which is very favorable on cold and rainy days. I won't worry about people minding my manners. I won't understand norms and so I'm not compelled to act on it. I could tell our love story over and over again. I will have some degree of courage and freedom I don't have as a psychologically sound being. I could be just anybody - the great skeptic, the president, the sinner, the saint, the lover. Every moment is the first and last. Every day is a new day. It doesn't matter if the day went terrible, because at the end of it, like all the other might-have-been days, I will forget.

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Of Self-worth and Body Weight

I wake up at 9 AM in an empty house because everybody else has their own place to go. Watch DVD of some TV series finishing one season all at once. Coffee break before lunch, at late afternoon, before bed and some other random times throughout the day when I think I need some. Wash exactly 10 pieces of my clothes from my laundry basket when in the mood. Eat late lunch. Walk in and out of my room few times a day hoping to remember something to be done. But it's the same dark, quiet and tight place. Everything sits perfectly on their places most of the time. Nap after lunch that would last for 3-4 hours. Renaming all the MP3 files in my desktop so that all the first letter of each in the title will be in upper case. Sort my art materials and papers which I just sort out the other day. Wake up late in the afternoon stressing about what to do next then ending up sweeping the floor I just swept before taking a nap. Some afternoon, I'd start the laptop running on my desk keen to finish some essay or narrative but feeling emptiness on its peak, I just watch the infinite white sheet with the blinking marker on the screen for hours.

Yes, I think I developed this kind of vacation-induced obsessive-compulsiveness in me, organizing and reorganizing things for the last 5 months. And occasional schizoid behavior. And yes, relapse of my coffee addiction. Basically, that's how my everyday went since I was out of school.

It's like I can wake up anytime of the day or not at all and people won't even notice. No teachers would be looking for you. No attendance to sign. No class president bugging you for your late project. And of course, no deadlines to beat. No nothing. I was always in 48 kg since high school and now I'm in 50. And I never felt so unoccupied since then. If I had been thinking so much, like I always do, I'd think my self-worth is just equal to 2 kg body weight, which is a lame relation but makes sense if you give it a second thought. But I am not thinking this time. Besides, Mushy said I will be missing this kind of sleep-eat-wake cycle forever. So I'm having this - break. Maybe it isn't that bad to just look around. Breathe. Watch the world spin around past you.

Being in this point, I realized how one heck of a rushee I was - always running so fast straight ahead - that a sudden stop from all of it would make me lose my sense of purpose. I kept myself busy with things that barely mean anything because I fear to lose whats left of my self-worth. I don't know if you can grasp anything from my jagged thoughts here. But I dare try painting a snapshot of what it looks like, from my own perspective now, on the verge of it. When you are running so fast you forgot the principle of certain things, like a pull over. There are things that you would only see when you set back. You realize that things are not in pure black and white, you start to see things in shades of grey. You see the details. You see the signs. And then you see infinite possibilities.

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To My Continuity Girl

I lay down on my frozen bed tonight, 33 hours after the board exam result. But everything else within feels so lucky and warm. Yes, I'm overjoyed. Yesterday was perhaps the best day my life. With you right there, holding everything up for me. Tight. Unwavering. Until the good has finally found its way of revealing itself. I'm sorry for tagging you to such heartache. Thank you. It wasn't excruciating as it seemed because you have taken half of everything from the start.

Though I thought my esophagus shut down and didn't came back for sometime after, I know that was the best noodle cup I ever had. The best bottle of cold punch. The best unfamiliar place to celebrate. The best start of something barely known. Because I was with you. And we had happiness for dinner.

I have something with which I can identify now when you say you're proud of me and so I'm overjoyed.

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Tatlongpu’t apat na bagay sa high school na malamang nakalimutan mo na

Makakabalik ka sa dating eskwelahan, mapupuntahan mo ang dati nating classroom, canteen, tambayan (ginawa ko yun ng ilang beses pakatapos natin gumraduate), masasalubong yung mga dating teachers at makakakita ng ilang bagay/gamit na makakapagpaalala sayo ng nakaraan pero hindi ka na makakabalik sa HIGH SCHOOL kailanman. At dahil ako ay time traveler, pinilit kong gawin ang listahang ito mula sa nakaraan para sayo, Galileo. Dahil minsan kang naging parte ng lahat ng ito. Nawa’y maalala mong wag lumimot.

1. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY. Na binibigay ng assigned teacher every morning pakatapos ng flag ceremony. Eto ang first activity ko pag dating sa eskwela, madalas kasi eto na lang inaabutan ko.

2. DEAR. Which stands for Drop Everything and Read, tuwing 9:45-10:00AM, project na ni-launch ng DepEd nung 4th year na kami. Ang saya ko nun kasi sakto sa Trigo namin natapat, nabawasan ng 15 minutes and Trigo. Hehehe.

3. DEAT. Ang balahurang version ng DEAR, na ang ibig sabihin naman ay Drop Everything and Talk/Text. Minsan yun mismo ang nangyayari sa DEAR. Buhay pa kaya yung project na yun ngayon?

4. SELF-DECLARED HOLIDAYS. Lalo na sa section namin. Mga batas ba. Haha.

5. EXTENSION. Sa deadline ng project, assignment, news, editorial at kung ano-ano pang article. Tipong hihirit pa ng extension sa naextend nang deadline.

6. PATINTERO. Boys vs Girls. Girls lagi panalo. Gentlemen daw mga boys e. Lagi wala gusto magrisk, baka kung ano daw mataga. Bat pa kaya sila nakikipaglaro nun noh?

7. CHARADE. Defending champ grupo ko dun! Hehehe!

8. LOADED, Super Crunch yung green, palamig, Stick-O at iba pang pagkain sa tindahan ni “Besprend”.

9. BESTPREND. Tindahan sa canteen namin. Alam mo na siguro bat bestprend. Actually, si Dyan talaga bestprend nun. Hehehe!

10. PARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURE. Na parang taping ng teleserye. Kunya kunyarian may comment/recommendation. Tsaka bawal tumawa. Hahaha.

11. TENNIS at INTRAMS. Ang intrams sa high school, walang pasok. Sa college, nagmimidterms pa ibang subject.

12. DUPAC. Ni Emman.

13. PATAY NA LANGAW. Ni Jerrick.

14. SLIMORPSE MACHINE. Ang drawing sa papel na naging !st Prize Winner. :)

15. ROLE PLAYS at PAVILLON. Na mga naging munting pelikula at entablado ko.

16. Paggawa ng HOMEWORK sa SCHOOL. Di ba nakakatawa? :D

17. PREAPARATION SA CALCULUS. Na ginagawa ni Christine o Jovel at the end of the day at pinapaphotocopy ng buong klase para may maisubmit kinabukasan. Kung hindi ka naman nakapagpaphotocopy may pag-asa pa, pumasok ng maaga para makakopya at maihabol bago mag-flag ceremony ang preparation sa Trigo, Calculus at Advanced Algebra.

18. Kung bangka siguro ang room namin, lumubog na dahil sa tanging functional na electric fan sa left side ng room na blockbuster saming lahat.

19. LATE AFTERNOON DISMISSAL. Late like 6:30 pm. 13 subjects per day ba naman.

20. MABIGAT NA BAG. Yellow pad lang dala ko nung college eh.

21. NATIONAL ROAD. Yun ang tawag ng mga subject teachers sa sahig ng room namin. Gets mo na siguro bakit.

22. BOARDWORK SA ADVANCED CHEM. Na peyborit ko.

23. BOARDWORK SA PHYSICS. na mini-may I go out-an ko. Hehehe.

24. PUNO NG SAMPALOC. Sa tapat ng room namin na sanggol pa lang mga bunga e di na tinantanan.

25. PAGLIGO SA INTIK. Yung mga diligent malamang walang alam dito. Hehehe.

26. 1, 2, 3 PASS!

27. “Pagmamahalan sa panahon ng exams.”

28. Pagpapa-pray ng mga 2nd subject teachers (na kahit kailan ay di na narealize na nagdasal na kami ng parehas na dasal sa 1st subject).

29. ELANI, MARU ANN, etc. Talamak na kawalan ng hustisya sa pagbigkas ng mga pangalan.

30. FLOOR WAX. Pag late ka: No Floor Wax, No Entry.

31. Panindang mani ni Ate Jenny. Na nauubos sa kakautang.

32. TEKSTO TEKSTO, ARAW ARAW. Walang kamatayang babasahing teksto sa Filipino.

33. PANSIT CANTON at SLEEP OVER. Sa bahay ni Demi.

34. FIRST LAB/PUPPY LAB. O kung ano mang tawag mo sa relasyong tulad ng kay Kuya Al at Aya. Haha.

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Thoughts from a citizen of the Earth

I was watching some earth science video tonight and I remembered how fascinating earth is - how it turned itself from a lifeless rock to such hospitable planet catering to all kinds of living and inanimate things we have today. It tossed and turned some molten material creating land and water forms just like that. Phew. Everyday since then earth changes itself more slowly but constantly for I don't know why. Perhaps it has its own agrarian reform laws that kept being amended. They say dinosaurs became extinct because it got so hot in here more than they can imagine, I don't know. Maybe because if they're still living here it won't be possible for mankind to begin? Maybe they're meant to go, because their contract with him already expired. Or man would pay better debts than they can, just like that. I really don't know the rule of the universe. But looking from here, past the great skyscrapers of the earth, learning history older than time, I'm wondering if how long will it be til the next generation. I am wondering how would everthing look like by then. I'm having some weird features in my mind right now. Would they look like that one shown in The Time Machine? Or those little men in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy?

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A Repost

10 Myths About Introverts

On June 27th, 2011 by Adam Young

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become “normal.” Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.

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