One of the battles inside a wallflower

It happens. Then I'm still cool. Or only as it appears. Then it will slowly eat me up from inside out as time goes by. It sucks to be me because I can't process anger or sadness as most people do. It comes to me to hit back, to hurt people who hurt me, as soon as it happens, like maybe how it occurs to everyone - which is always the easy way out. But what is so much more unbearable about it is when it all goes out that way, you barely recognize yourself after. You do dreadful and hurtful things that you don't know you're capable of. And I would always fight my way out of that. I crawl into a deep dark barrel of containment. It's a painful process because there'll be a whole lot of tormenting things inside. Dozens of ways on getting revenge. Replaying what's upsetting with other fabricated details which only makes it worse. It'll be me against myself. And most of the time the mind is biased with the dark side. But I have to fight it. Because I figured out in the end, it is so much easier to forgive others than yourself.