Where all the unsaid things are.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Disclaimer

I acknowledge human's, as other beings', capabilities when angry, sad or disappointed. So I'm writing this for somebody I respect so much that I'm willing to set back and just take it all.
_____________________________________________________________
The only thing that could hurt is when I see her hurt. And that might just make me cross the line.
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Thursday, July 21, 2011

To Eongrey


Like you've always been.
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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Soundproof

The walls whisper but it doesn't say anything at all
Like how the raindrops bluntly cut through the roof
You can't make me look back
You can't make me hear you again, sadness.



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Friday, July 8, 2011

Whatabouts

Hello.

Board Exams over so I'm buying myself few stuff to get busy with. Like volunteering on Jen's thesis' research works, organizing my desk and the house, watching series and movies on my list one after the other, reading postdated books, vising old places (real or virtual) that I've forgotten. I'm also reliving traditional journal-ing so I feel like I'm overdoing it when I write here simultaneously with tumblr. :)

Nevertheless, I did this list on my checklist booklet.
I hope to finish these when my vacations over:
A Spot of Bother
Jonathan Livingston Seagull
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
A Love to Kill
Numbers Season 1
Sex and the City
Sex and the City 2
My thesis (part 2, ha ha) - actually Jen's.
Learn After Effects (basic)
Explore photoshop (the next level)
Job hunt

So far, these are the items that's already been slashed. ^^,
A Love Story in Harvard
Harry Potter 7.1
Harry Potter 7.2
EonGrey the digital version

*Photoshop and After Effects projects, they make extra rooms for expanding my ill-patience.

I'll be trying to reach out the world I've taken for granted for some time, too. I miss the feeling of writing for the blind audience. Or at least how I imagined it. There's the difference about writing in a notebook and a blog. The latter gives the writer the feeling that people she don't even know could read through her blog and hope to somehow impart some idea or inspiration or just simple un-reciprocated conversation like what I get from other blogs.
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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Today is sunny, though it's raining outside


On my free afternoon,
in the best place on earth (beside Mushy), I'm watching my all-time favorite movie for the nth time.
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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Transient paresthesia

From here and now I reckon the truth of the life I deny everyday.
As painful as to be the one who always stand next in line.
To be the one always waiting, for that
which will happen only if and when another thing happens.
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Monday, May 23, 2011

Potato Lessons on College Life

1. For nursing students on their first day in the hospital: you’ll be told to bring biscuits and snacks and of course you will, because you don’t know that you could just go out and buy some food in the stalls there. In fact, you don’t know anything in the hospital yet which makes you anxious and overly naive to touch anything there. Then after 3 years, though you won’t bring biscuits to duty anymore, you’ll be more anxious because you barely learned anything but there won’t be any excuses. So don’t waste your time. Go tag along with the staff when they do catheterization, when the doctor’s intubating, when your CI is preparing meds. Expose yourself to as much input as available in the hospital NOW. Because every “NEXT TIME” said is a chance of a time lost.

2. Attend welcome/acquaintance party if you want to know the people in your college. I think it’s the only occasion where everybody wears themselves at most.

3. Watch TV, lie down with your favourite music plugged in your ears, take long walks, just pass time with your buddies in the food court, stop and stare, join the volleyball team or any sport you’re good at, cut classes for your most awaited movie once in a while, fall in love. College is not a substitute to life. It’s just another part of it.

4. Expect that you’ll spend fat amount of money in photocopying handouts if you don’t have the books. Reference finding is a very useful skill in college. This will help you save your last money from unannounced photocopying emergencies. There’s one place where all you can find everything you need. Remember Library? (or here: NursingCrib, Scribd)

5. Keep your notes and handouts. During your sophomore year, you’ll feel that they are least helpful. But I say, keep them all sound and somewhere easy to find. You are going back to them someday soon.

6. Do not make your high school love wait for that ‘yes’ until you both finish college. You might go separate lives somewhere along the way anyway, might as well live the present and strike through what ifs. Then if you are still together after all, what’s there to regret about?

7. As a famous poem says, do not compare yourself with others, for there are greater and lesser person than you are. Most of all, be the self you are most comfortable, be it you wearing flats when everybody else you know at high school seems to grow 10 years of womanhood just because of those hills, be it you liking girls instead of boys or the opposite. There’s nothing wrong with sticking on something you like even most people don’t. In fact, you managed to accomplish the task of the decade – to establish yourself among others. Many people my age now is still confused because somewhere at your age now they lost themselves by compromising it with acceptance.

8. Do your best in class every day. How you spend each day in college is of course how you make your transcript. Because you’d always look back in college which will all be in blurry 5 years from now, but your transcript remains in bold letters. However, this may be for self-satisfaction purposes only. If that doesn't bother you (like it didn’t bother me), never mind. XD

9. Be courteous and grateful. No matter who you are, you will need other people along the way. People around you may seem not particular with it but one of my good friends said, “always say PLEASE and THANK YOU”.

9.5 Be a true friend. Only then you’ll have one (or six). And they will be the best (or maddest) part of college.

10. Because I can’t think of anything else and lists usually come in 10s, I’d give you something that was just told to me, too. “It's okay to confess love to your professor. It's either you get busted or thrown out of the classroom or you get love in return“. Trust me, that was told by the coolest teacher on earth.
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Friday, March 4, 2011

Little Chicken says good morning to Mushy

It's 430 am and raining like there's no breaking dawn close. My brother is sleeping like a log. I just went up to pee but had trouble getting back to sleep. So I decided to pick up this machine sitting coldly at the floor beside our mattress and start scribbling on it instead.

I remember few years ago when I used to text Mushy at either very late night or earliest in the morning to confess feelings for the day like a real dairy. Stuffs like, "I'm sad today because of the same reasons why you are. Doubled by the fact that you are", "You are prettiest today", "That kiss, it must've done something bad, or good to me, I don't know. But sure I can't stop thinking of it now". Even big stuff like "I love you" and other stuff that I lack the courage to tell at your face in the middle of the day. Oh that's me when I develop these occasional little wings and do cooing. But let me borrow a teacher friend's quote of 'so slow but at least I'm moving' to justify that. It payed when I know you're waiting for my daily soliloquy. I know you missed that. Believe me, I do, too. But the little chicken developed something more braver than that.

Here I want to tell you that I'm proud of you, for being a good person, above anything else. For crying, because you think you're messed up and you don't want it. I'm proud because you didn't become cold and tough no matter how hard this big stuff of adversity hit you. For having the decency of feeling guilty about missing your responsibilities, because it is when we admit our mistakes that we do something about it. I'm proud of you because you don't dwell on the bad things for long. You could get up every morning wishing me good mornings and go to work while every bones and muscles in your body ache. I'm proud because you work with conscience which I find rarely these days.

I wake and get up everyday because there's something I'd look forward to, you. The inspiration you are giving me is stronger than gravity that pulls me back to this mattress. And I want you to know that. I know what you are capable of doing. Mediocrity isn't your stuff.




PS. Have you forgotten about me? You're not alone. <3
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me and mamush's

We bought and made these as compliance to the Department of Procrastination Prevention.
This is where we're going to write what to do's, buy, pay.



(^^,)
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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

M&M's Them Writing No. 2


College was like a sharp swerve in my life. I didn't see it coming. My mother and I were just falling in line for the interview in an unfamiliar green building, after which, four years of my life was sealed with unexpected, unwanted fate. That's where it all started - this feeling of confinement.

I was Editor-in-Chief of our high school publication, but I didn’t graduate with flying colors. I excel in English, Public Speaking, and Arts, at same time I’m at the bottom of my Math teachers’ list. I am a selective learner. I focus on my strengths to compensate my weaknesses, totally rejecting things where I don’t do well. But college isn’t tough for me because I’m not good in Math or any of my subjects. College was a struggle for me because I just don’t like where I’m heading. It’s like a giant quicksand for me, a downfall that happens slowly and predictably.

Should my parents never think I’d be killed for turning into a leftist and trusted me to be away on my own, I should’ve been graduating from a communication course in that university. Should I didn’t give up my dreams and idealism, I should’ve been happier. And because by that, everything follows, my transcript should’ve been more agreeable. It should’ve been a different story. Because I would be doing something I like, something I love. I’d feel something more like in college than in prison cell.

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