Birthday Diaries

I just turned 24. I was told that my 20s will pass by like a sneaky bastard. First you're celebrating your 21st birthday, next thing you'll know you're 30 and the whole decade just felt like a long trance. Well it's dead spot on! I can't remember my 22nd birthday and my 23rd is a blurry now. It could be my classic memory sucking or this crazy theory, like all the others I'm being told, is true. So I'm going to try and take notes for each of my birthdays from now on while I can still get a whiff of the past. Until I reach 30 or further notice.

I spent several excruciating minutes to recall something from my 22nd birthday. It's a shame I can't retrieve anything now. I am perhaps 1 year late for this. I am so glad I spent it with Jen, my one true external drive. She told me we spent it in a nice little hotel, watched TV and ordered food through the phone as fancy as it could be. The main treat there was the telly and air conditioning. It sounds like a perfect celebration to me.

My deepest regret so far is not being able to sing or make anything remarkable with Real (by Plumb) playing on the background on my 23rd birthday. I always thought I'd do it. But my 23rd birthday is quite depressing because of some unfortunate events that I could not tell without being vague, so I'll stop at that. I can remember we had a nice dinner a week after. We went to Chocolate Kiss, one of my favorite restaurant where I had pasta aligue with shrimp, my favorite, and grilled cheese. I guess it turned out to be happy indeed because I used the word favorite twice in one sentence. But if you are as sentimental and have the same weird obsession about life's theme songs, I hope this reach you right on time so you could sing, on top of your lungs, anything you please including Real on your 23rd birthday.

My parents sends me one of my first birthday greetings since I was away in college. Never fails. They're constantly there, passing the phone back and forth making me repeat the whole thing I just said to the other. I was never a big birthday celebrant. I have this crazy idea of birthdays being narcissistic, which is one of my extra pains as a human, I know. Haha, I just can't match the overrated joy of the world on ones birthday. But my folks, thank god figured out how to use loudspeaker, in their lovely and annoying ways, are there to make the whole thing halfway to matter.

This year, my birthday started 3 days early. I was on leave from work for 4 days because Jen and I were planning an out of town getaway but it literally rained on my birthday parade. We decided to eat out and had movie marathon at home. It was raining so hard, being at home with warm sheets and cuddle is the best thing you could wish for that day. I got new sneakers as my only gift, which is so awesome I squirm everytime the sole touches the ground. We've been to a frustrating journey from one street to the other all for getting my bratty ass a rootbeer float. Then we had ramen date night with her nice and funny office mates. There's that old tradition of eating noodles on your birthday to make your life longer and I guess eating ramen is relevant. Besides, I always wanted to eat on that fancy restaurant where the staff either invites you in or shouts "get out!", you can't tell because it's Japanese. It was a lovely day. With Jen there, for 4 days, everyday is my birthday.

There's my not-so-ideal birthday parties of the decade! Nevertheless, they're perfect as they are. Rest assured I wouldn't change any of it because I couldn't.




I told Jen I was writing a lot but I don't finish any of them, then she told me to go on and "Don't let the moment slip away." Because of that, not only I have something to close this note (hehe), it inspired the whole idea of remembering things that truly. It's not always bad as it seems.


Don't let the moment slip away, you, too.

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Wisdom teeth, why

There's a nasty wisdom tooth growing in my mouth. The fourth and last of them (i hope so im right). It's raising hell in there. I can't believe some people doesn't grow all four of them!

I feel so starved although I'm not missing any meals. I take advantage of the peak of therapeutic effect of pain relievers. These pills are magic! But eating never felt so surreal. You're putting the stuff in your mouth very slowly and munch it on the good side then swallow it but it doesn't feel like reaching the stomach or that place where food gets digested to be happiness.

My cheeks are puffy because it's just that swollen inside. I've never taken so much medication my whole life than the last 3 days. Mostly ibuprofen and im gonna start with antibiotics today. I won't if I could. Antibiotics is just as bad as the toothache. Or maybe 3/4 bad. The loose coated tablet is too big that I can't swallow it without touching my tongue which leave that horribly bitter taste. I've been taking one Advil after the other. Sometimes the effect lasts 5 hours and if I'm lucky 7 hours. I wait as long as I can bear the pain to take the next one. I'm not a big medicine junkie ever since I was a kid.

Apart from learning how to talk without actually opening my mouth, which gives me a different but nice accent when I talk in English, I've also learned that there are all sorts of home remedies for this. As in a lot, you can make a dinner if you put everything there is in a pan. It was first surprising how many things there are then I realized that this is a common mankind experience which puts sense on why the long list.

Here's a good list of them for the record: http://www.homeremedyshop.com/42-home-remedies-for-quick-wisdom-teeth-pain-relief/

I'm gonna try the saline solution because I've read that long term use of Advil makes your stomach bleed due to suppression of prostaglandins (Jen told me all about it, she knows a lot of stuff) or serious heart problems (worst case). Yes! Dammit TFIOS, pain demands to be felt, I hope you're happy. There are just pains impossible to feel and do nothing about it.

It scares me what people on the internet say about how long it might take before it stops but it also varies from one person to another. Maybe about few months to years. I would like to think that my mind is stronger than my body. Or what people say on the internet. I'll let you know!

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One of the battles inside a wallflower

It happens. Then I'm still cool. Or only as it appears. Then it will slowly eat me up from inside out as time goes by. It sucks to be me because I can't process anger or sadness as most people do. It comes to me to hit back, to hurt people who hurt me, as soon as it happens, like maybe how it occurs to everyone - which is always the easy way out. But what is so much more unbearable about it is when it all goes out that way, you barely recognize yourself after. You do dreadful and hurtful things that you don't know you're capable of. And I would always fight my way out of that. I crawl into a deep dark barrel of containment. It's a painful process because there'll be a whole lot of tormenting things inside. Dozens of ways on getting revenge. Replaying what's upsetting with other fabricated details which only makes it worse. It'll be me against myself. And most of the time the mind is biased with the dark side. But I have to fight it. Because I figured out in the end, it is so much easier to forgive others than yourself.

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Why We Broke Up

I’ve made this silly challenge with myself to keep out of social networking. So I could live more on the “real” world. Being disconnected is not that hard for me despite unlimited and almost infinite access to internet nowadays. Perhaps because I always kept my distance even online. I could get weirder in many aspect.

Well, I am almost 2 weeks there – in my solitude from internet. Or just social networking. Because I still check my mails daily and news and music and other (stalking works) cool stuff I can’t really give up. For a while i was able to reconnect with my thoughts, read, listen to a lot of music, organize my things, do my nails and laundry, appreciate tangible things and the ones that are not. It’s a window to infinite things that I have taken for granted.

I’ve stumbled on this post from one of HuffPost while I’m in this challenge and I thought, “Exactly! That’s what I meant to say.” And I’d like to share it here on my little spot.

“But a downside to this expansion of connectivity is that each time we’re able to get online in a place that was previously not a hot spot, we lose something: an opportunity to reflect on the world around us, to be with our thoughts, or to truly connect with the person we’re physically with, free of technological distraction.” -Timothy Stenovec, HuffPost

It only shows that I am getting (and sounding) old for using quotations to speak for me. (Haha!) Anyway, thanks Tim. For feeding my cause. You’re the man.

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Letter To The Future

Summer, 2013

Dear Buddy,

You can make it. Not because you are older but because you are stronger. And you've been ahead so many things than I am. The fact that you're reading this is a proof that you survived all the bad stuff in the past. You become a bit more introvert as you grow old, I know. Communicating your thoughts and feelings is not your strongest suit ever. I know it's been like forever trying hard to be social and straightforward but don't stop. You have given up to so many things like math and worms and others things. Your invisible room of forgotten and denied things is getting a bit crowded. So get your act up, live the f*cking life and stop at nothing.

It's a shame I have to write this letter but I have too, because you're a do it yourself person. And a very stubborn person. You listen more to your own thoughts. That's alright. Just remember that you are not alone and you don't have to be. G is always there and J. They can get it out of you through reading your mind because they have superpowers and they know you very well but isn't it always better when you say it? Like actually vocalizing it instead of the conversations you make in your head? Okay? Cool.

Below. A list of things that might actually help you. In random and confusing order, sorry.

Feel the pain. Don't be an alcoholic, it'll just make you more depressed. Don't turn to drugs. Focus on the things you have and remember how badly you just wished for it before. Pay attention. Live one day at a time. Make a little effort on making yourself look good. Try to look good until end of the day. Okay, you can eat more than usual if you feel down, it always makes it better. Thus, exercise. Appreciate. Ask. Hydrate your body. Celebrate lightbulb moments. Do not compare. It's just raining. Read through your old blognotes. Love yourself. Golden formula for percentage is Rate/100 = Portion/Base. The world is still beautiful.

Hang on tight and see. It gets better, Buddy.

*My attempt to save myself from all the possible effects of quarter-life uncoolness

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Brighter Days

After almost 3 or 4  months of struggle for leaving the town, moving, adjusting and adapting to a totally different place, here I am, alive and back. Jen, whom did a lot of effective pep talk for me, would always remind me no matter how hard it gets for us that there's no other way but "straight up". Direcho lang. That's our direction everyday. I never thought I could make it through Day 1, then doubts went on until my first pay out, which is like one and a half month after. Because I was dead penniless when I decided to move out. So yes, whoever said that money can't buy happiness can die now, because that's not true. Apparently, happiness costs more bucks than you thought. To get me to Jen's place, to eat, to sleep in a decent room, Jamaican Pattie, and what have you. Other than that, the big city is exactly the place you see in TV. Traffic Jam. Blistering heat. Flood when it rains. Ugh. Longest lines I've ever been! That's the worst I can say. So I got a tip that you might want to keep handy. By any chance you'd use the ATM, never assume that the line will be shorter LATER, because it won't. It will just get longer so you have to fall in line as soon as you arrive. That's also true to filcab and the loos.

I work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, in the most convenient schedule I could have. I wake up at 4 AM and take off to work at 5 and I'm at home before 4 PM. Neat eh? I'm just in training and I also get to spend Saturdays with Jen so I'm having the time of my life. I never felt so alive.

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Letter No. 0519

My forever love,

We are about to start a new chapter in our adventures. To something bigger for both of us. I know it is not going to be that easy that is why we need to be strong. Stronger. I believe in your strong and now chubby guts, love. And you do not even have to worry if that fails, because you will have me after all. I know we can make it because we have each other no matter what. And aside from daily breakfast, these are the things we must always remember:

1 Talk with each other no less than we do for 4 years (we are doing an amazing job on this);

2 Think. It is overrated to say we must think first before acting but there;

3 Prove the world's great fortune teller wrong for saying we won't last;

4 Laugh on the dumbest desperate tries of our subconsciousness to tear us through bad dreams and everything of that sort.

You may revert if you want to add other things. Until then I will live on this everyday. I will wait for that right time for us even if that job stings for me every minute.

Mush Potato

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That's My Big Cake There

Item no. 12 from my 50 Things To Do Before I am 60 list way back in 2009, CHECK. 

Thank you, Tier2Pedia! I will miss you big time, too.

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Msiplecad

One year after graduation, seven months after passing the Not so Easy Board Examination, I still feel the same. I'm misplaced big time.

You can tell that I am. I haven't got any decent job in the hospital, or clinic, or community. I wonder if there's ever a "decent" job out there for us now, honestly. But no matter how my profession has been "challenged", I am supposed to live it by now.

I know it's such a waste of time and will to think of something you could've been when you could always make lemonade from the ones you've got. But I feel terrible to imagine how life could be brighter if I had been a TV host or documentarist or director, more often than I move bowels lately.

I'm going to tell why for once. I have this ability to mutate into someone super working with things I really like. I guess, it's a higher degree of compensation, too. People from my high school could attest to that. During senior year, we have three Mathematics subject (Alzebra, Calculi and Trinonomy). I would never hit above 85 in any of those but my English subjects' mark are, well, they're outstanding. Apparently, Mathematics outnumbered our English subjects (we just have 2, English 4 and Public Speaking), so I still didn't graduate valedictorian. Hahaha. I'm kidding. I need to battle off 14 brains to get there. There's just too little pride one could take being on the 15th spot in a class of 40 just because they can't find the motherfugging X everytime. I mean it's probable, if we had 12 English subjects and 1 Arts, right?

Going back to my lemonades, it's like a big version of Mathematics. I'm thinking that maybe I am not getting any post in a hospital just because I don't like to. Other reasons would be shadowed excuses.

I always wanted to make documentaries about things, people, events and probably french fries, too. That's why I wanted to get in either communication arts or film at the University of my Dreams. My parents thought it would be great, if I won't get killed in a rally. They always thought I'd become an activist when I go to college because of my temper and intolerance to mediocrity. And that is the story entitled, "Why I ended taking up nursing in the nearest state university". What's yours?

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Ngayon Gets Ko Na

Hindi lang basta luxury o exaggerated ang team building sa call centers. Nagiging necessity sila sa gatong trabaho. Gaya ng pagyoyosi.

Pumapayat o tumataba ng sobra ang mga tao. Walang sapat na physical activity para sa normal na metabolism. Papagutom ka na lang kung ayaw mo ma-constipate.

Hindi mo na maidentify kung alin ang coping mechanism at alin ang attitude lang ng mga katrabaho mo. So para mapalampas mo na, iisipin mo na lang coping mechanism ang lahat.

Pag nasa floor, makahanap ka lang ng masasandalan, makakatulog ka na. Pero pag day off at andami mong oras para matulog, kulang na lang maghanap ka ng mabibilhan ng antok para makatulog.

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