Goodbye, Emily!

I am more selfish than I would like to admit.

Because I have this biggest fear: it is when you found something so cool, and all the other people would find your thing cool, too, the next thing would be them pushing you out of the scene, thinking you are not cool enough to like the same thing.

The same when somebody find you cool and then another cool thing arrives, you get taken for granted.

I have only few important things with me. Being selfish is good sometimes. I get to keep the things of my very young life for myself alone. But more often, it makes me a psychedelic freak. Because most of MY things really never meant anything to anyone but me.

I don't know. Do you hate me?
I do. I hate myself.

Or maybe it's my grubby, sensitive and insecure alter ego.

(Maybe I can't be with you forever..
Go and build your future somewhere else, Emily!)

Read More

Lessons you don't learn in your class

Lesson #1 : Don't kill yourself with guilt if you've done something wrong. The whole business of good and evil seemed completely turned around. Some of them might be hiding things, too.

Lesson #2 : Doubt makes you bad. Jealousy makes you a monster. Helplessness can make you a limp noodle.

Lesson #3 : Everyone had to grow up. It couldn't be 1997 forever. You cannot whine for the same stuff that people don't want to give you over and over again.

Lesson #4 : Fuck you, bitch.

Lesson #5 : Mush Potato also raise middle finger and curse.

Read More

Random thoughts on my scribble pad

There's nothing like watching the sun come down from the window of our classroom. At first, the sky is all kind of bright orange and red and burning. Then the nearby building starts to swallow the sun, only those beyond it knows what happen next. But to me its like Picasso's depression paintings with scrawny blue hues.

It's not that I don't like Picasso. In fact, he is one of my favorite painters. At least his earlier stuff - before he started making women look like monsters, with their mouths open screaming and sharp spiked tongues and of course those blue beggars and all the other bluey painting.

She likes Van Gogh. Because I think he paints a lot of sunflowers. Maybe I do, too. I can't decide. Picasso has more styles to choose from. But Von Gogh's color is wilder and I love the way he made all those thick swirls of paint.

But then, to complicate the issue of who I like best there is Leonardo da Vinci! And Claude Monet. And Me. Haha. Actually, I like them all. I haven't really found my own style yet, but then it took Picasso a while before he found his.

****
Thought of painting right now is like a deep breath of air. It's 6:56 in the evening of a very long blue day. And I'm still sitting in my Physics class.

Read More

Superpets!

Read More

EVACUATED

Futile Listening

I have a very short attention span. That makes me a very bad listener sometimes. I am easily influenced by my judgments to the speaker. I don’t listen if I don’t like the topic or simply I just don’t feel like listening. I am very critical about the diction, although I don’t have a very good one, too. There’s this time when I can’t focus to a particular speaker, a teacher, because I was trying to figure out what he means when he said “bhorn”, referring to the gas consumption of some sort or thing like that. So much of my rudeness, my classmate pulled my hair. I was sorry. I have this nasty habit of picking them up. But I’ve been trying hard not to do it often. Sometimes I just can’t help it, perhaps because I’m trying to get away with so much boredom especially if I’m sleepy. I am vindictive when I’m bored; I’m crazy when I’m sleepless. I do scribbles, drawings and sometimes nonsense verses when I don’t like to listen but I have to stay awake. If I did compile those doodles, I could have a greenhorn book by now. However, there are speakers who kept me listening all throughout - people who talk extra sensible. Those who could lift up ideas like a magicians lift up magic from their speed and imagination. And they are the coolest person in the world for me. “Born-speaker” idea is a myth. If you are a good speaker, it’s because you can make your audience listen, not because your mother ate amplifiers while conceiving you.

I am not a good listener most of my life. But sometimes I could be. I always believe that response depends upon the stimulus, which means, good speakers make good listeners. Right now I’m working on my listening skills more than ever, because it’s the major media of learning my course, knowing that we aren’t still experiencing the hospital dramas first hand. Giddiness and dozing are the greatest adversary of my resolution. I’m trying to overcome dozing by sleeping early at night (except those insomniac nights) and every possible time that I could steal sleep. While I keep away thinking things million miles away from me when listening (although some of the time you can’t just help but to think them especially if you are used in doing it) to avoid giddiness. Basically, those are the things that I do to get rid of my futile poor listening habits. I also made a very strong deal with myself not to laugh at speaker’s mistakes, because that is very rude. So far, I’m doing a good job. I know I can’t change things I’ve been used to. I can’t change my habits that easily, because old habits really die hard. I can’t change being distracted most of the time, especially if daydreaming is my favorite transgression (haha). I can’t change something overnight especially if procrastination is my favorite sin. I can’t change many things. And I’m sorry. Only time does that.

August 8, 2008
Essay for my Speech Communication class
My Ineffective Listening Habits

Description of Red by a Mushy Creature to a Blind Person

Topic #3: How will you explain color red to a blind person (since birth) using verbal communication only?

excerpts from my Speech Comm term paper

I love colors, you know. I could paint my deepest thoughts with them. They can go deeper than my thoughts could go - more profound than what the human eye can see. Red is a primary color. Red is one of the vibrant colors for me.

If you would ask a preschool kid what is red, she will probably say that its the uppermost color of the rainbow. Yes, it is. It has the largest spectrum. It remains in the sky even after all the colors have gone...

They say love is blind. They also say that the color of love is red. I'm wondering if love knows how brilliant its color is, do you?

You can draw hundreds of other beautiful colors from it. Red mixed with blue will make violet. Red and yellow makes orange. Red and white makes pink. Red and green makes brown. Red reflected to a prism would make a play of colors on creamy walls. Red could look a hundred beautiful things as it could mean...

Sometimes red could just mean pain. When you get your finger pricked, you get hurt, you bleed. Don't you know that human and most of animal bloods are red, too?

Red could be the warmth that you feel when you are hugged...

Red could be as sweet as the taste of your strawberry jam on your breakfast...

Red could be as courageous as the blood of men who went to war for their country...

Red is a very large color for human eye. You can't see it with just one perspective. Sometimes you can feel its full color even without actually seeing it...

Monday, January 26, 2009

THE BIG DUTY

im so excited about our hospital duty tomorrow. THE BIG DUTY. because that's going to be the first. and if it would not make me such a pessimist, i'd say that first times are really a mess! wah. good luck. GOOD LUCK TO ME!

we're assigned @ OB ward. 3-11.

we've started our community duty 2 weeks ago and actually do "it" [you know, THE DUTY] for 2 Saturdays already. but hospital is a different thing.

i already had one case in the community. i'm working with a pregnant woman at her term. i hope i really could be of any help to her..

Sunday, December 7, 2008

When you cut your finger, it bleeds; you may not like blood, its scary and messy, but fingers that are cut are suppose to bleed.

That's healthy.

If they don't bleed there's something wrong.

Besides, one of my CI once said that all wounds heal.
After a wound bleeds, it starts healing. :)

Sunday, November 30, 2008

no turning back.

life is a one way road. no turning back. no U turns. just straight ahead.

proven right.

its been 5 days since we had our IM and SubQ injections. sterile water. hurts so bad.

and i realized that there will be no quitting in my course. harr! i've gone too far to allow that needle into my skin! haha.

nursing, it will be!

hospital exposure would begin @ January. DR. half scared, half excited.
i'm going to meet a lot of newbies. right there! yeah! :) ;) :?

Posted by eleanny at 7:15 PM 0 comments

Read More

Mush Potato scrubbing in...

I lost a lot of pounds since my last photograph.
Because we pretend do a lot of stuff. [lols]

This is the only part I enjoy.
Operating Room.

Read More

post-it mush. :)

Read More

it's just another sickening week

because I'm literally drowsy and chasing my nose at the end of it.

Worse.
A developed case of sinusitis.
Worst.
That pig flu. I'd rather have sinusitis.

It's been sickening because I can feel the stress all over my body now. And I'm not enjoying anything I'm doing lately. I am just so busy these days that I just never seem to have the chance to write or paint or just walk slow to appreciate the day. The world just seems so in a hurry! I can't remember going to school or hospital without running. Everyday all you got to do is run, run...and run.

Good.
That I have you.
I'm happy I'm alive. And with every dose of your Neverland, I am living. And never tired.

Keep me strong, Peter Pan.

Read More

nursing school survival rules

I need to learn all the rules. So I could break them.

Read More

he looks familiarly sweet

Tanay Chheda

Read More